The Knight King Who Returned With A God Scan

Bonjour, mes amis! Let's talk about Sir Reginald Strongforth, or as he's now known, "Reggie the Resplendent" (I'm workshopping the nickname, okay?). He's your classic knight: shiny armor, loves a good joust, absolutely *terrible* at parallel parking his warhorse, Bucephalus. But Reggie wasn't satisfied with merely being a valiant, slightly clumsy knight. Oh no. He wanted more. He wanted... a God Scan!

Now, I know what you're thinking: "A God Scan? Is that like when you accidentally scan a deity at the supermarket self-checkout?" Not quite. Though, imagine the coupon possibilities! Instead, it's this mystical, highly improbable event where a mortal is, shall we say, "touched" by divine energy. And Reggie? Well, he got zapped good.

The legend (and by legend, I mean the story Reggie tells after a few tankards of ale) goes something like this: He was battling a particularly grumpy griffin (apparently, it had a bad hair day – happens to the best of us). During the fight, a rogue lightning bolt, clearly aimed at the griffin's feathery behind, missed and... well, you guessed it, hit Reggie smack-dab on his helmet. Boom! Instant God Scan. He claims the sky opened up, angelic choirs sang (slightly off-key, he noted), and he received the ultimate upgrade. Me, I am more inclined to believe that it was simply the strong electrical shock to his helmet but let us continue with his version.

So, what does a God Scan even do? Does he suddenly sprout wings and start handing out pamphlets? Does he know the meaning of life? (If so, Reggie, my friend, call me!) Apparently, it grants the recipient heightened abilities, a sort of superhuman…ness. He's faster, stronger, can apparently understand what Bucephalus is grumbling about (mostly complaints about saddle sores, apparently), and occasionally gets prophetic visions. He predicted that Old Man Fitzwilliam would lose his dentures in the stew last Tuesday, and folks, it happened!

The Perks (and Perils) of Divine Intervention

But it's not all sunshine and divine intervention. Having a God Scan comes with its quirks. For one, he attracts divine groupies. Seriously, lesser deities keep showing up asking for selfies and autograph requests. He had to install a "No Gods, No Masters (Except for Reggie)" sign outside his cottage.

And then there's the constant pressure to save the world. Every other day, a talking squirrel or a distressed dryad shows up, begging for his help. "Reggie, the Dark Lord is stealing all the acorns!" "Reggie, the river nymphs are staging a protest against the overuse of plastic ducks!" It's exhausting, even for a knight with a God Scan.

He's also become strangely obsessed with improving the castle's Wi-Fi. Claims it's his "divine mission" to ensure everyone has access to cat videos. Priorities, people!

The Verdict?

Reggie the Resplendent, our Knight King with the accidental God Scan, is a walking, talking, slightly disorganized testament to the absurdities of life. Is he a hero? Absolutely. Is he a bit of a goofball? Without a doubt. But hey, who needs perfection when you've got a lightning-struck knight fighting evil, improving Wi-Fi, and occasionally dispensing questionable fashion advice? And frankly, who would not want the ability to understand their horse, no matter how grumpy?

So, next time you see Reggie, offer him a pint, listen to his stories (with a healthy dose of skepticism), and remember: sometimes, the greatest heroes are the ones who accidentally stumble into greatness. And sometimes, greatness involves a very confused griffin. Just a little “wink” to you.

In the meantime, I am off to scan my cat. Wish me luck!